I thought it would be just another lonely night nursing my Guinness in my smoke-free watering hole – until he caught my eye. By “he” I mean New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
The mayor was glowing like a guardian angel sent from heaven to protect us all from everything. Our eyes locked. Within seconds I found him next to me, making sure I was properly seated on the stool so that I didn’t fall off and hurt myself.
I was humbled by his compassion and love as he checked the soles of my shoes to see that they weren’t perilously worn. He looked up at me and smiled.
“Thank you for banning trans-fats,” I said, saluting him with a flavorless French fry.
“My pleasure,” said the mayor as he set about blunting the bar’s dangerously sharp cocktail toothpicks.
He fixed a steely gaze on another patron’s hamburger and snapped his fingers. Immediately the City Council and Board of Health appeared behind him.
“I want all hamburgers to be cooked for 85 minutes,” said the mayor, “only then can we make every burger in this great city safe. God help us.”
His entourage nodded in unison and immediately passed legislation. I was impressed by his incredible power and Bono-like concern for us New Yorkers…
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